Supporting with compassion those experiencing grief.
As part of mental health week, MenAble were honoured to be asked to join Busselton Hospice Care’s bereaved men’s group to engage with the group and talk about men’s health through life’s journey. Their men’s group meet each second month to share fellowship over a meal (generously donated by local fine dining catering organisation Fervor).
The connections made within the group are clearly forming a bedrock for many as the men contend with the loss of their loved ones. The conversations were heartfelt and often heartbreaking. Reordering life after the loss of a loved one is an incredible challenge and can represent one of the later major transitions across the arc of a man’s life.
Taking on the opportunity to facilitate discussion and speak with the group provided an opportunity for me to reflect on some of the considerations as to how we can best support those who are experiencing grief. It is a universal human experience, yet it's a path too often walked alone.
When someone you care about is grieving, your presence and support can be a guiding light through their darkest days. But it's not always easy to know how to help. The following are some meaningful ways to provide support to those who are grieving.
Be a compassionate listener
Sometimes, the most meaningful support you can provide is simply being there to listen. When someone is grieving, let them know that you're available to hear their thoughts and emotions. Grief can be overwhelming, and having a non-judgmental listener can bring immense comfort. People in grief often find solace in telling their story repeatedly. Be patient and avoid pushing them to move on or telling them how to feel.
Respect unique grieving processes
Everyone grieves in their own way, and that's okay. While the experience may differ, the underlying sadness is something we all share. As long as no harm is done to themselves or others, an individual's way of grieving is the right way. Embrace and honour the uniqueness of their grief journey.
Understand emotional roller coasters
Grief is like a roller coaster of emotions with unexpected highs and lows, sometimes lasting for years. It's a normal part of the grieving process, and it calls for patience and empathy.
Avoid unsolicited advice and listen first
Well-intentioned advice can sometimes backfire. Instead, acknowledge the depth of their loss and express sympathy. Simple, heartfelt statements like "I'm so sorry for your loss. How can I help?" can be more meaningful than well-meaning but potentially hurtful advice. Avoid explanations like "Your loved one is in a better place." Listening attentively is often more comforting than trying to explain their loss.
Offer specific assistance but ask first
Practical help can be a lifeline for someone in grief. Offer to run errands, prepare meals, handle household chores, or other everyday tasks. Be specific in your offers. For example, cook them a. Many find meal support particularly helpful, as simple tasks like cooking and grocery shopping can become overwhelming.
Stay connected and patient
Grief knows no timetable, and healing takes time. Keep lines of communication open by checking in regularly. Even if the grieving person isn't ready to talk, knowing you're there offers tremendous comfort. Remember for most, "You don't get over it, you just get used to it." Don't assume they've moved on because they're not reaching out. Reach out through calls and messages, offering a listening ear. Continued support beyond the initial weeks, months and even years, can be invaluable.
Ask, "How are you feeling today?" and be OK to mention the loved one who has passed
Avoid generic questions like "How are you?" Instead, ask, "How are you feeling today?" This shows you understand their unique emotional state and genuinely care about their well-being. Don't shy away from mentioning the person who passed away; it keeps their memory alive and provides comfort.
Offer realistic hope
While offering hope is comforting, be realistic and avoid sounding overly optimistic. Convey a message of resilience and support, letting them know you believe in their strength and that, in time, things will improve.
Grief is a complex and personal journey, but your support can make a world of difference. By being a compassionate listener, respecting their unique process, asking first and offering practical help, you can provide comfort and solace to those who are grieving. Your empathy, understanding, and presence generally matter most when a friend is grieving.
If grief does not lessen over time, it can be an issue that requires professional support. Help is available and speaking with your doctor, support such as Lifeline (13 14 15) or a community organisation such as Busselton Hospice Care, is a great place to start.
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